I'm a big baby when I get sick

I ended up in the hospital in Iceland at 6:00 a.m. on saturday; those of you that are from Iceland can just imagine how the emergency room is at that time. I had a severe ear infection as a result of this flue I got and sat there amongst cut up people and angry drunks; one guy even had a huge bite mark on his scalp and the whole situatin was surrealistic. I was in so much pain and sat there crying like a big baby and I assume the doctors thought I was one of the drunks that had gotten into a bar fight that night. I eventually got some medical assistance after the Doctors finnished taking care of a stab victim; not kidding. The good news is that I'm still going to New York and my ear is getting better; I'm a big baby when I get sick and thank god I don't get this sick often.

I guess we can't choose our delusions

I've been sick all week and had to delay my trip to NY :-( I hate laying in bed for days and not doing anything except feel pain and tired, anyway I got delerious from a high fever and thought I was stuck to my sidewalk outside and my cat was trying to get me back into the house. It was so realistic and I kept thinking how did I end up outside, very strange indeed! Why a side walk though, why couldn't I have had a delusion that I was stuck in a cartoon or something? I guess we can't choose our delusions ?

Feeling Guilty for Laying Around Like a Cat

I love this blog in here, I can write anything that comes to mind and most people don't read this anyway; so I can get verbally evil and not feel bad about it.So I have this insane urge to express myself about so many things; I've basically been working like a maniac all day and didn't even have time for lunch or anything. But what surprises me when I'm busy like that is that I start thinking about stuff from my childhood and I start to connect it with the person that I am today; those of you that have grown up in a dysfunctional home know what I'm talking about. I've had enough therapy through the years to forgive my past and let go of my anger, but today I'm starting to connect my workaholic compulsive behavior with so many uncertainties in my youth. When I go through the day at a 100 mph I feel like I will never fall or need someones help; I feel like I'm in control and can do anything I set my mind to! What is really scaring me though is that I'm going on vacation and I must relax, the last time I did that I ended up sleeping, reading, and in between feeling guilty for laying around like a cat. Yes the mind can be funny; it's a no win situation, the guilt for not working and the guilt for working too much!One more day to go and then I must lay around like my cats; sleep, eat, chase some flies and read some good books :-)

My dream of selling everything and becoming a farmer in New Zealand!

God I'm counting down the days to my vacation, and having such a hard time being at work; 2 more days left! I'm packing all my stuff in my car leaving the city and going to stay in the country for a whole week with loved ones. My son Tyler, brother Jon, friend Klara and her son Mani are going to join me and I can't wait. Offcourse I will be doing a little work with Klara, buts it's fun stuff we haven't had time to get started until now. I think I might be a Workaholic or what?And that takes me back to my dream of selling everything and becoming a farmer in New Zealand! I can't stand the 8-5 workday in the city, I have a dream of being out in nature and being my own boss.For those of you that I planned to meet in NY, I will e-mail my mobile .. that I'll be using when I get there. Can't wait to see everyone!

Humility has worn me out

The pain is sweet burning deep down in my heart,my soul is left with empty little holes. Forgiving is easy but forgetting can't be done, the wound keeps on bleeding and spreading it's pain. I stand here and imagine what happiness is and maybe that would make it worth while? People are happy for no reason at all? I'm only happy when I've worn myself out and sit down at night and try to pass out,,, nothing to remember then I forget how to feel..............................and wake up in the morning with humility and worn out.

Repeat the next day

Like the birds outside singing in the morning

I woke up in a good mood today and petted my cat for 30 minutes; I love waking up at five in the morning, drink some strong coffee and listen to the birds outside welcoming the new day. I always imagine if we would take those birds as role models and welcome the day singing early in the morning; imagine how it would be stuck in morning traffic and everyone would be singing or just happy? Or if all of us would go out of our way to reallly ask someone how they've been and really listen when they answer? I think the little things in this life are what matters and make this World beautiful but I realize as I sit here and drink my strong coffee that while I'm running around in my daily rush I totally ignore those little things, like the birds outside singing in the morning.

...and the ability to laugh at myself

I'm overworked and have too many problems going on in my life and I just feel like selling my apartment and moving to New Foundland or something, buy some sheep and become a farmer!!! I am at a point in my life where I realize that this rat race sucks and leaves you with alot of security but oh so empty headed. I'm a single mom and prided myself in the fact that I can put my son in private school, buy him nice clothes, have two cats, etc; all on my paycheck. I woke up a few days ago and realize that what I'm slaving for isn't true security and doesn't really leave anything in the long run, except the apartment maybe. Yes I'm doing this for my son but he doesn't really like the person that I've become; I come home at night and fall asleep on the couch and he knows that I'm not really listening to him in the mornings because I'm running late for work.Oh dear god, please give me wisdom to solve this problem and the ability to laugh at myself when I look back at this point in my life ;-)

Does anybody really know themselves or others?

I was talking to a friend the other day and I got that feeling like I've always know this person, long before I was born; from another life or something. Sometimes I'll get that feeling when I'm with my a friend or family member, but there's another side to this thought. Does anyone really know us, the real deep down inside person we are meant to be? I've been single for so long and have time to contemplate this kind of stuff and I keep coming down to the same conclusion; life is traveled alone and when we're lucky we have someone to share their experiences and hopes with us but we are in this alone, so it's a plus if you like your own company ;-) So the bottom line, that familiar feeling I experience with people is my hope that someone will know the real me? And that familiarity and connection is what brings us together as humans.

People Around Reykjavik

Black and white pictures I took of people around downtown Reykjavik. I developed all the pictures on photographic paper.

A boy celebrating his graduation. The bald guy is my friend.


A girl celebrating her graduation.


A homeless alcoholic. He asked me why I wanted to take a picture of a homeless bum, I told him we were all beautiful inside. That made him smile like that, I love capturing moments like this.


An immigrant from Russia showing me pictures from when he was in the Russian army. He spoke 7 languages and his Icelandic was almost perfect.


Turkish tourists.


Two kids in front of a gay bar.






Kids celebrating their graduation.


Testing out the zoom lens. I felt like a spy taking this picture.

The War

There's a war going on now, America attacked Afghanistan. I was always raised with the belief that after World War II everyone had learned their lessons; westerners at least. There's a lot I don't know about this World and I'm realizing it even more after the September 11 attacks.

I feel so helpless and unsure. What's going to become of the future that I believed my son had? I worry about him since he's half American; I feel so responsible for his future. I'm not god and I have to come to terms with this uncertainty.

My son is so worried about all this war stuff and I don't even know how to explain it to him. He's only 10 years old and the country he is from and has gotten to know will never be the same again.

I'm listening to the BBC on the radio and tonight is the second night Americans are bombing Afghanistan.