I want to be like the Buddha and start living

People that make new years resolutions have always gotten on my nerves. I might be one of those annoying people this year, something got me thinking yesterday.

I was reading the Total Jim’s updated profile last night and a sentence on there struck me: "The thing that I call living is just being satisfied with knowing I’ve got no one left to blame..."

I woke up today and started thinking about the meaning behind those words. It’s very common for us to blame others and justify our dysfunctional behavior because someone has held us back or treated us badly. The blame list can be endless; parents, friends, classmates, doctors, governments, partner, pets, the climate, the bank, etc. Anyway, my new years resolution is to get rid of all blame and become the person I was meant to be. It might sound cliché, but the truth is it’s what I want. Why let someone that pisses you off live in your head rent free? Also, why let someone that tries to hold you back affect your decisions in life?

Imagine if we could hold up a state of mind which the Buddha acquired; how different our waking up in the mornings would be. Yeah, I want to be like the Buddha and start living.

Blue Bird

by: Charles Bukowski

There's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see
you.

There's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he's in there.

There's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess me up?
You want to screw up the works?
You want to blow my book sales in Europe?

There's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be
sad.

Then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him
die,
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact,
and it's nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do
you?

In The Shadow of Feeling

A documentary film that explores the factors that determine how children become adult psychopaths. Very interesting points of view and how the development of the brain in early childhood might be a dominating cause.

The main story centers around a boy named "Johnathan" who is currently serving a life sentence for first degree murder.

Is this my heritage?

I got home late tonight and checked my e-mail, there was a link from my step mom to some old book that was being published again here in Iceland. Anyway, the link was to protest the book. I don't recall reading this book as a kid but I remember the song being sung in school. I found some blogs about the book and was completely shocked, it's a book translated from English and the name of it is "Ten Little Niggers". WTF, and people are calling this book a work of art and republishing it is holding on to our history and culture. I DON'T THINK SO! (Even thought the Icelandic translation isn't as cruel as the English version, it's the fact that this book has a racist history and it is not something you market as a children's book).

The fact that my society is accepting this book and it might be read to kids makes me feel sick. Is this really my heritage? I feel like my country's mentality is similar to a sad little ignorant Ku Klux Klan town in the South; except we're close to the arctic and have nicer homes.

This is the text which is in the book....

Ten little nigger boys went out to dine;

One choked his little self and then there were Nine.

Nine little nigger boys sat up very late;

One overslept himself and then there were Eight.

Eight little nigger boys traveling in Devon;

One said he'd stay there and then there were Seven.

Seven little nigger boys chopping up sticks;

One chopped himself in halves and then there were Six.

Six little nigger boys playing with a hive;

A bumble bee stung one and then there were Five.

Five little nigger boys going in for law;

One got into Chancery and then there were Four.

Four little nigger boys going out to sea;

A red herring swallowed one and then there were Three.

Three little nigger boys walking in the Zoo;

A big bear hugged one and then there were Two.

Two little nigger boys sitting in the sun;

One got frizzled up and then there was One.

One little nigger boy left all alone;

He went out and hanged himself and then there were None.

Never, never, never, never give up

Never, never, never, never give up
- Winston Churchill

I've been so busy but I'm extremely happy. All the hard work I've put into my business is paying off. I went and met with an advertising agency today that has really big clients. They want to start doing assignments with me and were really impressed with my websites. I'm sitting here at home and this doesn't feel real. I'm so glad I didn't give up on this dream, there have been so many times in the past year where I was about to call it quits. Something in my heart kept telling me to go on and I'm glad I listened.

We have a new family member, his name Timon. We went to the animal rescue and couldn't resist him. He kept licking our face and didn't want to be put back on the floor. Snoopy was jealous for about a week and started pissing on blankets and stuff. It took alot of work and discipline but he stopped pissing finally. Anyway, they're good friends now and have the greatest personalities.

God, am I becoming a cat lady???

George Bush is an Inarticulate Idiot

Reading and Working

I've been finishing a Real Estate website this week. I have to say that this has been the most complicated project I've taken on since I did the intranet layout for the U.S. Navy in 2003. All the information is put in instantly so I had to work out the design with a programmer at a company that hosts most of the real estate information here in Iceland. I had to think of everything in CSS mode and try to imagine how it would look when the website had the Real Estate information coming on the main page. Anyway, I've learned so much this week and can't wait until we put the finishing touches to the website.

Anyway, all this work is not good. I'm being lazy today and reading a great book which I haven't had time to read, Anna Karenina by: Leo Tolstoy. I usually don't get into these mushy kind of love stories but this book is beautifully written. He describes our human nature so well, it almost makes me want to fall in love; ALMOST :-)

My son is so happy in his new school. He's learning how to use all the fun computer related programs this semester; Photoshop and Dreamweaver. He's a really good designer, he made some great web headers for a project. Anyway, if he doesn't like his computer major he can always come work for me. I just can't believe how much he has grown up, it feels like yesterday when he was running around in his diapers.

ROFL and more ROFL

If you're feeling down check out these videos. These are the funniest videos I've seen this year. I promise you'll get into a better mood when you watch these :-)

The Born Again Blogger

I decided to return to the World of blogging. I had some problems on Myspace last winter and closed all of my blogs down. There is a point where the Internet can become an invasion of your privacy, crazy people out there happen to find you and stalk you virtually. That is what happened to me and I no way did I like it. Myspace has become the septic tank of the internet :-)

I saved all my blogs but the comments couldn't be moved over from Myspace. The stuff from 2001 is something I wrote when I was in the MSN group chat rooms.

Anyway, it's like 3:30 in the afternoon and I'm still in my pajamas. My son went with my mother and her husband to his parents farm this weekend. He gets to take care of the sheeps and horses and be out in nature.

I went with my friend Asa and 2 of her friends to the Cultural Night here in Reykjavik. I had a great time, I haven't laughed so much in ages.

Shamisen instrument and DJ Kentaro

I love some of the music being created today. The old and new are being mixed together with incredible results sometimes.

Cold Turkey by Kurt Vonnegut

The guy is a genius and will be missed. He passed away April 11th this year. When I was 15 years old my step dad gave me a copy of Slaughter House 5; I was being punished and I needed something to read to pass the time. I couldn't put the book down and I was amazed that such a man even existed. He brought me into a world where I could laugh at the mess we're in but he also made me think about how inane we humans can be. I have read most of his books and I can always read them again after a few years.

I saw a spoken word concert with him in Pittsburgh around 1992, he was hilarious. He has truly had an influence on me and I admire what a giving and funny man he was. Despite the fact that he had a very difficult life he managed to make us laugh and share with us a unique perspective on heart breaking situations.


This is my favorite article I've read regarding the political situation America is in. He wrote it in 2004.

Many years ago, I was so innocent I still considered it possible that we could become the humane and reasonable America so many members of my generation used to dream of. We dreamed of such an America during the Great Depression, when there were no jobs. And then we fought and often died for that dream during the Second World War, when there was no peace.

But I know now that there is not a chance in hell of America’s becoming humane and reasonable. Because power corrupts us, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Human beings are chimpanzees who get crazy drunk on power. By saying that our leaders are power-drunk chimpanzees, am I in danger of wrecking the morale of our soldiers fighting and dying in the Middle East? Their morale, like so many bodies, is already shot to pieces. They are being treated, as I never was, like toys a rich kid got for Christmas.
————————————-

When you get to my age, if you get to my age, which is 81, and if you have reproduced, you will find yourself asking your own children, who are themselves middle-aged, what life is all about. I have seven kids, four of them adopted.

Many of you reading this are probably the same age as my grandchildren. They, like you, are being royally shafted and lied to by our Baby Boomer corporations and government.

I put my big question about life to my biological son Mark. Mark is a pediatrician, and author of a memoir, The Eden Express. It is about his crackup, straightjacket and padded cell stuff, from which he recovered sufficiently to graduate from Harvard Medical School.

Dr. Vonnegut said this to his doddering old dad: “Father, we are here to help each other get through this thing, whatever it is.” So I pass that on to you. Write it down, and put it in your computer, so you can forget it.

I have to say that’s a pretty good sound bite, almost as good as, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” A lot of people think Jesus said that, because it is so much the sort of thing Jesus liked to say. But it was actually said by Confucius, a Chinese philosopher, 500 years before there was that greatest and most humane of human beings, named Jesus Christ.

The Chinese also gave us, via Marco Polo, pasta and the formula for gunpowder. The Chinese were so dumb they only used gunpowder for fireworks. And everybody was so dumb back then that nobody in either hemisphere even knew that there was another one.

But back to people, like Confucius and Jesus and my son the doctor, Mark, who’ve said how we could behave more humanely, and maybe make the world a less painful place. One of my favorites is Eugene Debs, from Terre Haute in my native state of Indiana. Get a load of this:

Eugene Debs, who died back in 1926, when I was only 4, ran 5 times as the Socialist Party candidate for president, winning 900,000 votes, 6 percent of the popular vote, in 1912, if you can imagine such a ballot. He had this to say while campaigning:

As long as there is a lower class, I am in it.
As long as there is a criminal element, I’m of it.
As long as there is a soul in prison, I am not free.

Doesn’t anything socialistic make you want to throw up? Like great public schools or health insurance for all?

How about Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, the Beatitudes?

Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the Earth.

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God. …

And so on.

Not exactly planks in a Republican platform. Not exactly Donald Rumsfeld or Dick Cheney stuff.

For some reason, the most vocal Christians among us never mention the Beatitudes. But, often with tears in their eyes, they demand that the Ten Commandments be posted in public buildings. And of course that’s Moses, not Jesus. I haven’t heard one of them demand that the Sermon on the Mount, the Beatitudes, be posted anywhere.

“Blessed are the merciful” in a courtroom? “Blessed are the peacemakers” in the Pentagon? Give me a break!
————————————-

There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don’t know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president.

But, when you stop to think about it, only a nut case would want to be a human being, if he or she had a choice. Such treacherous, untrustworthy, lying and greedy animals we are!

I was born a human being in 1922 A.D. What does “A.D.” signify? That commemorates an inmate of this lunatic asylum we call Earth who was nailed to a wooden cross by a bunch of other inmates. With him still conscious, they hammered spikes through his wrists and insteps, and into the wood. Then they set the cross upright, so he dangled up there where even the shortest person in the crowd could see him writhing this way and that.

Can you imagine people doing such a thing to a person?

No problem. That’s entertainment. Ask the devout Roman Catholic Mel Gibson, who, as an act of piety, has just made a fortune with a movie about how Jesus was tortured. Never mind what Jesus said.

During the reign of King Henry the Eighth, founder of the Church of England, he had a counterfeiter boiled alive in public. Show biz again.

Mel Gibson’s next movie should be The Counterfeiter. Box office records will again be broken.

One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us.
————————————-

And what did the great British historian Edward Gibbon, 1737-1794 A.D., have to say about the human record so far? He said, “History is indeed little more than the register of the crimes, follies and misfortunes of mankind.”

The same can be said about this morning’s edition of the New York Times.

The French-Algerian writer Albert Camus, who won a Nobel Prize for Literature in 1957, wrote, “There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide.”

So there’s another barrel of laughs from literature. Camus died in an automobile accident. His dates? 1913-1960 A.D.

Listen. All great literature is about what a bummer it is to be a human being: Moby Dick, Huckleberry Finn, The Red Badge of Courage, the Iliad and the Odyssey, Crime and Punishment, the Bible and The Charge of the Light Brigade.

But I have to say this in defense of humankind: No matter in what era in history, including the Garden of Eden, everybody just got there. And, except for the Garden of Eden, there were already all these crazy games going on, which could make you act crazy, even if you weren’t crazy to begin with. Some of the games that were already going on when you got here were love and hate, liberalism and conservatism, automobiles and credit cards, golf and girls’ basketball.

Even crazier than golf, though, is modern American politics, where, thanks to TV and for the convenience of TV, you can only be one of two kinds of human beings, either a liberal or a conservative.

Actually, this same sort of thing happened to the people of England generations ago, and Sir William Gilbert, of the radical team of Gilbert and Sullivan, wrote these words for a song about it back then:

I often think it’s comical
How nature always does contrive
That every boy and every gal
That’s born into the world alive
Is either a little Liberal
Or else a little Conservative.

Which one are you in this country? It’s practically a law of life that you have to be one or the other? If you aren’t one or the other, you might as well be a doughnut.

If some of you still haven’t decided, I’ll make it easy for you.

If you want to take my guns away from me, and you’re all for murdering fetuses, and love it when homosexuals marry each other, and want to give them kitchen appliances at their showers, and you’re for the poor, you’re a liberal.

If you are against those perversions and for the rich, you’re a conservative.

What could be simpler?
————————————-

My government’s got a war on drugs. But get this: The two most widely abused and addictive and destructive of all substances are both perfectly legal.

One, of course, is ethyl alcohol. And President George W. Bush, no less, and by his own admission, was smashed or tiddley-poo or four sheets to the wind a good deal of the time from when he was 16 until he was 41. When he was 41, he says, Jesus appeared to him and made him knock off the sauce, stop gargling nose paint.

Other drunks have seen pink elephants.

And do you know why I think he is so pissed off at Arabs? They invented algebra. Arabs also invented the numbers we use, including a symbol for nothing, which nobody else had ever had before. You think Arabs are dumb? Try doing long division with Roman numerals.

We’re spreading democracy, are we? Same way European explorers brought Christianity to the Indians, what we now call “Native Americans.”

How ungrateful they were! How ungrateful are the people of Baghdad today.

So let’s give another big tax cut to the super-rich. That’ll teach bin Laden a lesson he won’t soon forget. Hail to the Chief.

That chief and his cohorts have as little to do with Democracy as the Europeans had to do with Christianity. We the people have absolutely no say in whatever they choose to do next. In case you haven’t noticed, they’ve already cleaned out the treasury, passing it out to pals in the war and national security rackets, leaving your generation and the next one with a perfectly enormous debt that you’ll be asked to repay.

Nobody let out a peep when they did that to you, because they have disconnected every burglar alarm in the Constitution: The House, the Senate, the Supreme Court, the FBI, the free press (which, having been embedded, has forsaken the First Amendment) and We the People.

About my own history of foreign substance abuse. I’ve been a coward about heroin and cocaine and LSD and so on, afraid they might put me over the edge. I did smoke a joint of marijuana one time with Jerry Garcia and the Grateful Dead, just to be sociable. It didn’t seem to do anything to me, one way or the other, so I never did it again. And by the grace of God, or whatever, I am not an alcoholic, largely a matter of genes. I take a couple of drinks now and then, and will do it again tonight. But two is my limit. No problem.

I am of course notoriously hooked on cigarettes. I keep hoping the things will kill me. A fire at one end and a fool at the other.

But I’ll tell you one thing: I once had a high that not even crack cocaine could match. That was when I got my first driver’s license! Look out, world, here comes Kurt Vonnegut.

And my car back then, a Studebaker, as I recall, was powered, as are almost all means of transportation and other machinery today, and electric power plants and furnaces, by the most abused and addictive and destructive drugs of all: fossil fuels.

When you got here, even when I got here, the industrialized world was already hopelessly hooked on fossil fuels, and very soon now there won’t be any more of those. Cold turkey.

Can I tell you the truth? I mean this isn’t like TV news, is it?

Here’s what I think the truth is: We are all addicts of fossil fuels in a state of denial, about to face cold turkey.

And like so many addicts about to face cold turkey, our leaders are now committing violent crimes to get what little is left of what we’re hooked on।

Source: http://www.inthesetimes.com/article/cold_turkey

A tribute to Hilly Kristal

Thanks for giving us an alternative to popular music. Before the computers there wasn't much to offer when it came to listening to unknown bands. Hilly doesn't really like punk but his club gave birth to legends like the Ramones.

2 Steps Back, 1 Step Ahead

I haven't slept at all and it's like 7 in the morning. I found out yesterday that I had screwed up all my paper work regarding my Company's invoices. I managed to make a document with a JavaScript that calculates all my hours, total pay and tax. It took me 3 hours to work out the programming but I finally got it. I feel like I have totally mismanaged my time in the past few months but sometimes life is about taking a few steps back to get ahead.

I feel so happy and content even though I've been working insane hours and not sleeping enough. I'm so incredibly happy that I'm making this dream come true, but I've felt like giving up twice a day since September. I'll get a panic attack and think I'm crazy for trying this out. It's better to take a chance than live with regret; I can't imagine growing old and having a bunch of dreams that I never had the courage to pursue.

My son is up and it's time to go eat some breakfast. I love the silence this early in the morning and the neurotic high of not having slept for 2 days.

Brain Storm 040107

2006 has totally blown my mind away. I've basically found out the truth about life and it has changed me. It actually makes me sad to think that most people never question their authority or do their own research when they see something wrong in this world.

I met a homeless person on the Lower East Side a few days ago and I've been tempted to join his way of life. I spent some time with him and felt something inside of my heart open up. Why do we judge people for what they own? This person gave me so much more than most people in my daily life; he shared his wisdom and was grateful. The truth I've been searching for since I was a kid is getting closer to me.

I ended up photographing a few other homeless people and some interesting people and places in the Village. New York has changed a lot but spending 2 days in the city with a camera uncovered what I always miss about the place. You can meet strangers in the park and listen to someone play the guitar and before you know it, it feels like home.

Anyway, I'm going back to my insane work schedule in a week. I happen to have the best son on the planet, which makes all this working and struggling more than worth it. He takes computers apart and puts them back together; he's only 15? He's going places with good and honest intentions.
- A picture of my homeless friend called Ninja Art. I bought him a cup of coffee and he gave me some drawings and a book about The Diamond Sutra.