My Thoughts on Forgiving the Past

"Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future."
-Lewis B. Smedes

I'm working hard on forgiving some people in my past and I believe when I have accomplished that I will have a brighter and happier future. Anger and resentment are like open wounds that keep getting picked open, eventually it gets infected and spreads through out your whole life. I have a great Psychiatrist that gives me assignments every two weeks and he wants me to reflect on many of my behaviors that are caused by bad experiences from childhood. It is unbelieveable how I'm controlled and programmed from some thing that happened 30 yrs. ago?? It is also unbelieveable how I have let some people control me by being angry at them. Being angry makes you a prisoner of your own negative emotions and prevents us from experiencing life to it's fullest potential.

Enough thinking for today; I'm going home soon and I'm going to paint my living room a blue grey color, it brings out all my paintings and photographs on the wall.

I'm Strange

I started putting up Christmas lights with my son yesterday, the Christmas mood is getting to me. It's so dark here in the winter so I love surrounding myself with blue lights and lots of candles. We have 13 Santa Clauses in Iceland and they have an evil mom and dad, not like the jolly Santa in the States. Our Santa Clauses like to play tricks on people and if you're bad they send their big bad cat to come take you away. I grew up with stories like this, no wonder I'm strange, LOL.

I'm at work right now and I'd rather be at home baking and decorating, relaxing with a good book and listening to some good music. I have to get back to work..................the boss is coming!

Spiritual Mom

in my heart I know your soul
and I will never let you go.
Sit down beside me and taste the tears
follow the rust and avoid all fears.
You are my young one, I'll never let go,
just as long as you respect your soul.
Spiritual mom is worrying tonight,
just don't let the feelings get tight.

You are my baby I'll hold you all night,
wrapped up inside me I hope it's all bright?

It's a reputation

Normally I would, but..........
the reputation percedes the longing
I've held inside of my heart.

Normally I would, but the hunger is starting to feel sane.
Maybe I should, but
the world is going insane.

I've waited forever, wrapped up too tight.
Wondering if tonight it was right?

How can I hold you, without a regret.
Wondering if time will
let us forget

...It's a reputation

I feel so grateful today

I feel so grateful today, I'm living the life I always dreamed off. I got promoted to another department at work and I'm working with really outgoing and smart people. I never would have imagined that I could make a descent living as a Graphic Designer; with alot of work my dream has come true.

I came home last night and relaxed with my son and crazy cats, I have a normal but busy life. When I was growing up we were always going between parents and grandparents, very unstable and miserable living environment. I always dreamed of having a normal home and I have been able to give my son that.

Enough about me, my brothers just became fathers within 2 weeks of each other. The funny thing is is that my sister and I had our sons within 10 days of each other. My father thinks we planned this all out,ha ha.

I feel like a kid at Christmas

I just got a new computer and I feel like a kid at Christmas, have been playing with my new toy all day. What tops it off is my Whacom pen and beautiful pictures of friends. I feel overwhelmed with things that most people don't ever get to know in this life. Yes computers and nice clothes are my material weakness.

The simple things in life bring tears to my eyes and make me feel so rich

I'm finally all better after being sick this week. I went to the Doctor's today for some blood tests because I've been sick like 4 times this year and very tired for a month now. The first thing I though was oh no I have cancer, he assured me it's just to see if I have any deficiencies or any thing abnormal in my blood. I just hope it's a reaction to all the stress I've been under lately. Doctors scare me, especially when they want to make me take a blood test, ARRGH!

I sat in bed with my son tonight and we had the kittens with us, we just sat there and watched them explor this new life they're apart off. The simple things in life bring tears to my eyes and make me feel so rich.