I haven't seen the dark for a month now, it's complete daylight for the next few months. I'm actually feeling depressed which doesn't make sense. I'm blasting 'the Police' right now, this song describes my feelings so well at the moment:The afternoon has gently passed me byThe evening spreads its sail against the skyWaiting for tomorrowJust another dayGod bid yesterday goodbyeBring on the nightI couldn't spend another hour of daylightBring on the nightI couldn't stand another hour of daylightThe future is but a question markHangs above my head there in the darkCan't see for the brightnessIs staring me blindGod bid yesterday goodbye
I've been dealing with some depression lately, it hits me without a warning at the strangest times. Usually I just isolate myself but this time I tried to do good things for people around me and it eased the pain a little. My youngest brother stayed with us for a while and it felt giving to spoil him and my son a little bit. They went out to the store the other day and bought a bunch of candy and boy did they have a feast in the living room that night. Having my brother around has also brought some life into the house, kids running around and jumping on the trampoleene all day, trashing the place and dirtying up the floors, you've got to love it.I think a big part of my depression is this sadness that hits me which basicly deals with unsolved issues from my childhood, sometimes I doubt that I will ever be at peace with some of the people that betrayed my trust. I think being betrayed as a child is so much worse because we don't have the maturity to comprehend the weaknesses in grown ups, we look up to them like gods in a way. I go through this sadness and the pain is so hard to accept sometimes, I try to avoid it but it returns unexpected and hits me harder.I haven't planned my summer vacation yet and have been avoiding it, I must psyche myself up to get some ideas. I'm going to go pet my cat now and listen to some more 'Cat Stevens', he usually cheers me up.