Thought for Today

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.
-M. Scott Peck


When I have wanted to change my path in life it's usually been because a situation I've been going through has brought me to a point where I don't feel satisified with my life at that moment. Hard times and struggles do inspire new ideas and a willingness to change and to try some thing new. I love life for it's hard times, those are what have truly shaped me, strengthened me and made me see the endless posibilities of trying some thing new.

Dream 092404

I've been sick for the past few days and I'm sick of it. I hate laying in bed and doing nothing but feeling bodily pain. I have a bad headache and a high fever, poor me I feel so dysfunctional and alone right now. This is the only time I feel like I'm lacking some thing by being single, it's lonely being sick alone.

I've been dreaming alot of strange and happy dreams though where my loved ones are happy and doing good. I had a dream that I purchased this old apartment with 3 kitchens in it and no bedrooms? All of my family members which I've had problems with recently were in this new apartment and eating great meals with me; I guess since I had 3 kitchens I had to use them all. I wonder what that dream means?

Surround Yourself with People that Bring Out the Best in You

Why waste your time on some one that is bringing you down or making you feel bad about yourself. I want to surround myself with people that bring out the best in me and I bring out the best in them. Life is too short to waste your time hanging out with people you don't like but feel sorry for. Seriously I have had friends that I didn't really like but I felt really sorry for them and didn't want to hurt their feelings.

My thought for today on intuition

Trust your hunches. They're usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level.
-Dr. Joyce Brothers

I've been thinking about this alot, my son is growing up and I have always told him to trust his hunches or intuitions. I can look back at life and usually when I didn't follow my intuitions I ended up being hurt in the long run. Then I try to analyze this and think what the hell is this gut feeling we get when we get a bad feeling about a person or a situation? I would like to believe it's my higher power/god giving me words of wisdom. We spend all our life looking for physical evidence of a god and all along he is the voice inside of my heart that has always been there for me when I wanted to listen.

Thinking alot on a saturday afternoon

I'm all alone this weekend, my son went on a trip and won't be back until tomorrow. I'm so used to being alone with him and my weekends are always planned around him. This is weird, having all this time and I can't think of anything to do besides read?

Well a good friend of mine just called and invited me over tonight, she's also a single mom and works too much like me. She has some French wine for us to drink and then we're going to go out to a club and dance until the sun comes up.

I'm thinking about going back to College and adding to my Graphic Arts Degree; my son will be leaving the nest soon and I'll have so much time to myself. I learned how to play the classical guitar as a child and I look at it all the time collecting dust in the living room corner, I could get new strings put on it and start playing it again? There's a fear of it though, I have no idea why, I usually do everything I set my mind to? I'm afraid of my guitar.

My cat is seducing me right now, licking my toes and rubbing himself against my thighs. Why are cats such passionate creatures, they are so free when it comes to expressing their feelings. I can just picture humans being this open, rubbing up against each other in public when they need affection.

I love you; for my good friend Billiam

I love you for knowing me better than I know myself. I love you for calling me and giving me the best advice. I love you for forgiving me so many times, and I love you for being so true and just like you.

Yes Billiam I love you

Though for today

"The best thing is not to hate anyone, only to love. That is the only way out of it. As soon as you have forgiven those whom you hate, you have gotten rid of them. Then you have no reason to hate them; you just forget."
-Hazrat Inayat Khan

I just forgave a person from my childhood this weekend and this is what I felt, it is so good to forgive because slowly you end up forgetting the pain and anger. I confronted this person and for the first time she was willing to listen to my point of view and the end of our conversation left me with so much peace and love? I also realize that forgiving some one is not the same as letting some one hurt you again, and forgiving is not the same as trusting some one again who has betrayed you in the past. I think that I should have done this many years ago but I really wasn't ready then; so much weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I wake up with a smile now.

Another thought for today
My will shall shape the future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny.
-Elaine Maxwell

Grateful for the Simple Little Life on this Little Island Called Iceland

I woke up a while ago and can't get back to sleep, I hate when that happens! I woke up at like 6:30 this morning and didn't get a chance to relax until 7:00 pm tonight and ended upfalling asleep on the couch for half an hour. So that means I will most likely stay awake for another hour turning in my bed and before I know it it'll be 6:30 in the morning. So I decide to blog instead of twisting and turning in frustration.

I had a really busy but good day today. I drove to work in the morning and the winds were more than 20 mph, so I opened the window and let the rain splash on my face as I drove about 65 mph while singing some Tom Waits songs really loud. When I got home from work my son greeted me with a big hug and we talked for hrs. tonight. I am so grateful for having this simple little life on this little Island called Iceland. Yes the weather can really suck but when I get home after battling the storms I have a beautiful son and my 2 strange cats waiting for me. It cracked me up when I was changing my clothes tonight I noticed both of my cats sitting together and watching me intently as if they were waiting for me to offer them the meaning of life; all they need though was a little attention and fresh water in their bowl.

Yes I sit here at the computer at 2:30 in the morning and realize that all the good in life can always over power the bad things we have to deal with. I find myself wanting to go into a negative time frame sometimes and all I have to do is think of moments like tonight and I feel ashamed for even wanting to complain. I've got it good and that's more than anyone could ask for.

Need to try the bed again, maybe I'll get a few hrs. of sleep?

My Thought for Today

There will come a time when you believe everything is finished.That will be the beginning.-Louis L'Amour

I've been thinking alot about when we go through hard times in life and there's a feeling that there isn't a way out of the problems that surround us. When I go through the past year in my mind there have been alot of downs, some so bad that I lost all hope and in a way gave up on the strength that is within me. About a year ago the Company I worked for was down sizing and I got the good old pink slip in the mail; this happens about a month after my grandmother died from battling cancer for 3 yrs. I thought that my life was going down the drains, my grandmother who was always like a mother to me and showed me so much support had been taken away and then my good income had been taken away from me. It was a time in my life that I seriously thought that everything good had come to an end. I couldn¥t sleep worrying about the bills and the future for my son.

One day I get a call from a Company to Freelance a website for them, they had seen something I had designed by accident and got a hold of me. I got a few other Websites to Freelance and all of a sudden I was actually making more money than at my job, I couldn't believe how my luck was turning around and I hadn't even done anything to get these jobs? Eventually I get offered a better paying job working for the same Company but under a different Department, that just topped it all of , I started thinking that this is too good to be true there's something bad going to happen?

Anyway that was a time for me where I thought everything I had worked so hard for was finished, but it turned out to be just the beginning. Sometimes changes can be so hard and going through them is harder than staying the same; but in the long run change has always offered me a chance to grow and open my mind up to the beautiful possibilites that exist in this World.

Happy Dreams

I woke up in a great mood today, I had some happy dreams but can't remember them in detail. Beautiful colors, sun, happy people getting together, erotic love making, being out in a field full of sunflowers and running around.

Fingerprints

Leonard Cohen writes the most beautiful lyrics. I look a him as a poet rather than a musician.


I touched you once too often
Now I don't know who I am
My fingerprints were missing
When I wiped away the jam

Yes I called my fingerprints all night
But they don't seem to care
The last time that I saw them
They were leafing through your hair

Fingerprints, fingerprints
Where are you now my fingerprints?

Yeah I thought I'd leave this morning
So I emptied out your drawer
A hundred thousand fingerprints
They floated to the floor

You know you hardly stopped to pick them up
You don't care what you lose
Ah you don't even seem to know
Whose fingerprints are whose

Fingerprints, fingerprints
Where are you now my fingerprints?

And now you want to marry me
You want to take me down the aisle
You want to throw confetti fingerprints
You know that's not my style

O sure I'd like to marry you
But I can't face the dawn
With any girl who knew me
When my fingerprints were on

Fingerprints, fingerprints
Where are you now my fingerprints?

Fingerprints, oh fingerprints
Where are you now my fingerprints?

-Leonard Cohen

Bitching about the junk and traveling back in time with memories

I've been cleaning out some closets at home and it's so strange how I have all this junk I had totally forgotten about???? Where does it all come from, I think it's a conspiracy; Aliens put all this junk in my house to make me miserable! Actually I went back in time while looking in some old boxes, old notes or letters, old ticket stubs from shows, candy wrap from the first boy that kissed me ;-)

Yes I'm a packrat but I'm cleaning my closets and giving away a bunch of stuff so it's alright. I already filled 4 large bags with clothes, toys and books; damn how am I going to ship this stuff out of here?! Well I've got to keep working....................bitching about the junk and traveling back in time with memories.

Some Good Quotes on Friendship

A simple friend thinks the friendship over when you have an argument. A real friend knows that it's not a friendship until after you've had a fight
-Unknown

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
-Mencius

Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one.
-Oscar Wilde

One loyal friend is better than ten thousand family members.
-Unknown

"Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you."
- Elbert Hubard

"I can trust my friends. These people force me to examine, encourage me to grow."
-Cher

"Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathise with a friend's success."
- Oscar Wilde