Mourning my country

The situation here in Iceland has become surreal. My friend from youth is a news reported and has covered the situation very well on the news channels. The average family can't make ends meet. If they live a normal life they are still going to get in to 1 million kronar dept ( around $1,800) each year. When I say average family I'm talking about people that don't have unusual loans and both are working in a job with a good income, around 1/2 million kronurs a month. When I saw her report the other day I thought, "Okay, so the average family is starting to suffer too!"

What makes this so sad is that the government is not doing a thing. People keep going under; some slowly others rapidly. Will they end up owning all of our homes? Offering our children a bleak future? Keep cutting down in medical care? Only offering assistance to people that are already bankrupt?

I feel like I don't have a country anymore. My Government doesn't care about us....They only care about a political agenda and saving face to the outside World? Are we experiencing the death of our young nation because of money hungry politicians?

Rambling 020510

My thoughts about love might sound a bit extreme but I've always been a bit extreme. Here it goes....

1. Saying I love you doesn't mean much in the long run. My step-dad always told me that people that do a lot of talking usually don't do much action when it comes down to it. So why do men think that saying I love you is supposed to make us melt inside? I find it much more appealing when people show their love through action.

2. A man that I was dating recently insinuated that there was something wrong with me because I've chosen to be single most of my adult life? I pointed out to him that I enjoy my own company and would rather be alone than living with a man I can't stand. Society seems to pound into women's heads that there is something wrong with them if they're single. We're not complete unless we have a man by our side? So far, this incomplete woman is doing fine ;-)

3. Being honest about sex is taboo. Okay, do you want to be doing something for someone and finding out later that they got no pleasure from it? I think honesty is a way to connect with people. We all have different experiences in life and can teach each other so much. Where would we be if we weren't willing to learn and try something new?

4. Even if I'm in love doesn't mean I'm willing to sacrifice my self-being and respect. Come on, does anyone still believe in those romance novels and the stereo typical thought of "Stand by your man". If you hit me or abuse me in anyway I will most likely lose interest in you because you have crossed a boundary which there is no way of erasing or turning back. Because I leave you doesn't mean I didn't love you, it means that I also love myself and know that I deserve better.

5. This one is especially for the women. Why do some people think that love will give them happiness and solve all their problems? There is a bigger chance you will experience that with alcohol than a human being. We're all a mess and going trough this thing called life with not much guidance. How can you expect another person that is just as lost as you to give you the solution to your problems on a platter?

Maybe this is the reason I'm still single, Ha ha...

Rambling 012510

I decided to quit smoking today. I have actually been cutting down since January 1st. Yesterday I decided to start chewing nicotine gum and smoked my last cigarette this morning. I smoked an old stale cigarette to make sure I would not have a good memory of my last experience with this drug.

I've been smoking off and on since 1984 and I'm so sick of it. It's the most useless drug and it has started to slow me down when I swim or walk for a long time. I'm also not into the coughing which goes on in the mornings. THe last time I quit I started crying on day 2. I seriously hope I don't get all hormonal on my loved ones and cry for the next 3 days. For some reason I get very emotional in the withdrawals. I usually don't cry easily?

I can't fall asleep and THis is what my Head fEEls like at the moment.........

Strange feeling

This is something I wrote 2004. I felt so strange reading this, kind of like it was somebody else who had written this. I really need to set my priorities straight and get this feeling back into my life.

What makes life beautiful?
I'm thinking about all the great things in life that make it so beautiful and worth living. I get depressed sometimes and have learned that the best way out of depression is to count your blessings, it's kind of like positive conditioning and it usually works.

-I know that when I wake up feeling down and hopeless it's just a moment in life that passes by, the only way is up some times.

-I have had so many life experiences that most people will only dream of.

-I have had the pleasure of having a few great friends that mean the world to me because they have given me what I needed when I felt like life had given up on me.

-I gave birth to the most beautiful child when I was 20 yrs. old and have had the opportunity to raise him on my own with good results, he's the kindest and smartest person I've met in this life.

-I live in a country where people don't have to worry about getting fed or proper medical attention, there is no real poverty in Iceland.

-I can feel and see the sun when I wake up in the morning and hear the beautiful birds singing by my window.

-when I feel all alone and cry on my pillow I have a wonderful cat that licks my tears away and listens with out judging; by the way I know he's the Buddha.

The Unemplyment Office

I've really had it with my country and have nothing to lose if I leave here. I started working recently and it's a 75% job, which means I still have rights to get 25% unemployment benefits. They mistakenly took me out of their computer system and I have to go do the paper work all over again. This is basically the same shit I had to deal with last fall and it was horrible. It took them 2 months to get my registration right and I finally got money on December 23rd. All of my bills went into a big minus then.

The energy and time that this takes isn't worth it. The system here is so screwed and they truly don't care about their people. It's really sad to watch my country turn into a heartless fascist like republic. There are kids here that can't afford to go to school this fall because their parents can't afford school supplies or lunch meals. In the mean time the men that got us into this mess are exporting all their money and property to the Cayman Islands. The government is doing nothing, they don't care?

I think this is the first time since the bank crash that I have truly lost all hope for what I've been protesting. I don't think the average Icelander is going to fight this corruption. In a way I feel like this isn't my country anymore; if it ever was?

Update on what's been going on in Iceland

A few of my American friends have been wondering about the situation here in Iceland. Things haven't gotten better, most of what the new ruling party promised hasn't been happening. Instead they are going against what they promised. At the moment they are deciding if they're going to take on the Icesave bank and the majority wants to. If we take on the Icesave bank we're basically accepting the terrorist laws the British put on us. They don't want to charge the British for putting us on the terrorist list, instead they want to kiss their ass and make us pay for the Icesave bank dept. Here is a link to the freezing order on the British HT Treasury website: http://www.hm-treasury.gov.uk/fin_sanctions_landsbanki.htm
(We were taken off the terrorist list but are still on their website. Note: this bank was privately owned before the collapse).

In the mean time the criminals that created all these companies and banks are running around and hiding their money on the Cayman Islands or putting their properties on a relative's name. Not one of them has been charged and non of their accounts have been frozen??? The word on the street is that these men have paid our politicians in the past and these politicians are all corrupt with their money.

We got Eva Joly to investigate what happened before the banks collapsed. They're giving her a hard time and making her job very difficult.
About Eva Joly: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eva_Joly

In the mean time people are losing their homes and some are even leaving Iceland for good. I know a single mother that doesn't get any money because she was a student this winter and can't get daycare for her kids. So my wonderful government told her she isn't eligible for welfare or unemployment. Nice, they're putting their own people out on the street with no assistance. Why do we even pay 37% in taxes here?

Anyway, I protest as much as I can. A few of us took over an empty house on Monday owned by one of the criminals here and the police were called.

Some people have asked me why I keep protesting. I'm always remind of this saying which I ran across while I was writing an essay in High school about the Holocaust in WW II:

In Germany they first came for the Communists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.
Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.
Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Catholics,
and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant.
Then they came for me —
and by that time no one was left to speak up.
- Martin Niemöller

Life is what you make it

A few of my friends and relatives in the States have been really worried about my son and me since the economy and government collapse in my country. I have been numb in a way and haven't really had a longing to write much about it.

I've been running my own freelance business since December 2006. According to my financial adviser and the entrepreneur corporation in Iceland I was doing good. I loved what I was doing and woke up everyday with excitement and challenges in my day. I had something to look forward to each day and I have a great son that is doing good in life. I never lived a life which was extravagant and have a home which is creative and strange; not in style. I'm so far from being the wanna be rich looking person which were were popping up all over Iceland. I paid my taxes honestly and received unemployment when there was no work to find in my field this fall.

My father (which raised me from the time I was 18 months old) always told me that if you want something you have to dig in the dirt. If you don't find it you have to dig harder. He could have spoiled us and given us many material things. He chose not to. Instead he taught us that if you want something you have to work for it. I passed this on to my son and feel so grateful. At times I felt like a selfish evil mom when all the other kids in the neighborhood got the newest PlayStation just because they asked for it. My son started saving his money when he was 11 and ended up buying the PlayStation when he was 12. I think that my dad gave me something I could never have bought or learned in school. It's the real experience and reward of digging in the dirt and seeing the rewards when you're done.

Don't worry about us, we're just as happy even though the cost of living is ridiculous. I still lay around like a cat reading too many books. My son is still living his teenage life and just bought his first car. I found some ladies recently that take old clothes and modify them. So maybe I don't have to buy new clothes, I'll learn how to modify or make my own?

Life is what you make it my friend ;-)

My thoughts on the revolution and more

I've been writing my thoughts down since I was 14. After the collapse of the banks in Iceland last October I've been kind of numb and haven't felt a need to write much. Writing has always done me good; kind of like my own psychologist. I was going over this winter in my mind and realize that I've been in shock and very angry. My country has been robbed by careless people and we have to pay for it? I'm especially angry at the fact that the people that were supposed to prevent this don't seem to care what happens to us. They wouldn't even resign; kind of psychopathic and self-centered.

I saw a lady on the news last night that is going to lose her home in 2 weeks. The bank is going to send the sheriff to carry her out? The government here has been brainwashing us with slogans that say: "Protect the homes", We're going to do everything to save the families". The news stated that it was different because a bank that was taking her home. I thought the Government owned most of our banks now?
I've always been interested in nations that lost their integrity and followed leaders that got them into a system which was too good to be true. Usually there is a lot of propaganda that takes place before people lose touch with their sense of right and wrong. While drinking my cup of coffee this morning I realized that we here in Iceland are constantly being bombarded with slogans which are supposed to pacify us or make us feel guilty for feeling angry in this mess we're in. That lady is going to lose her home and many others are losing their homes? Yeah, but "stay positive and stick together. Take care of your family and be nice to each other." The last time I checked, most people in my life were nice to each other.

I think that the protests are just beginning. People aren't going to sense what's really going on until the end of this month. So many more people are going on unemployment now and the cost of food here is ridiculous. I also think David Oddsson is going to let the shit hit the fan when he has to leave his bank. He's going to take many people down with him.

I still sit here, look out my window and finish my cup of coffee. I always do this when I'm working and will always do this. Things haven't really changed for me. My son just got home from school and we're talking about the usual stuff. What has changed though is my trust and respect for the country I was taught to love and feel proud of. I really hope the good will win and my people will get back what we stood for.

Let the protests continue, I'm game :-)

Rambling 123008

I've had a peaceful and loving Christmas. I couldn't have imagined more and I feel so happy for the first time in ages. My son is growing up and becoming a man. I'm maturing and becoming a more reasonable person. Despite this depression and horrible financial times facing my country, I can still lay back and read a good book on a full belly.

I'm grateful for the fact that I don't know a thing. I'm not afraid of what's going to happen in the next few months. If there are lives lost it will be for a good cause. I could never live with the fact that my son could look back knowing I did nothing..

Thank you David Oddsson!

I went to the unemployment office this morning and found out that they had lost a few of my papers. I registered on October 27th and was supposed to get money on December 1st. Oh, they lost my papers and there is a man in that chain that wasn't at work that was supposed to finnish the application?

I broke down emotionally and asked the lady how this could be? (I've been raised in total fascism and thought my system would be there for me?). I've basically been without an income for the past 2 months and they do this to me? I've had to beg my relatives for money, my friend and my young son. She suggested that I'd go to the Church for some food......

I woke up from a bad dream and threatened to report them to the Icelandic News. (There are a few news channels here that want to cover the reality of what's going on here.) The lady was shocked and printed out a ticket that gave me a one way ticket to the welfare office.

There was freezing weather today and what saved me was my accountant. I went to his office and took care of closing my freelance business. While I walked to his office I cried my heart out in the Northern cold. It felt so good and I knew I could keep my pride because freezing weather makes you tear so much.
He is a good soul and made me feel human again. He was very disappointed that I had to shut down my business when I was doing so good. I promised to let him know if I'd leave the country. I saw in his eyes fear and hope at the same time? Later on I realized his fear; what if a huge amount of talented people leave Iceland?

Anyway, back to the Welfare Office. I took a few buses and was there by noon. I handed them the paper and found out about the rules about mailing the tax card by snail mail.
(At the welfare office I have to call the Unemployment Office to mail my tax card so I would get the full benefits of 99.000 kr. And then I have to call the welfare office to mail my tax card back to the Unemployment Office when my application goes through?)
I pointed out to one worker that our technology is so advanced, " Why haven't we found a way to do this in computers?"
She looked at me like I was retarded and answered "Then you would loose your tax rights, if you don't have a card to hand in you have lost your 33% tax return".

OK, and I will thank god every night for being different and thinking like I do. Her answer said all there is to say about the system in Iceland.

I took another bus home and thought about my wonderful welfare system in Iceland. I realized my system is designed to break people down and make them lose all hope. The energy and work that went into this day was too much. I understand why some people are killing themselves (Icelandic news have hidden this fact due to an order from the government); they might have a big life saving that goes to the family?
I'm not going to kill myself, I'm going to fight. I can't live with the fact that my son could look back knowing I did nothing to save his country. I'm not going to hope for the better while my Government is selling our banks again. I'm not going to live here in silence when I've heard that there are kids eating out of dumpsters......

In reality, they don’t give a s%*t if we starve...

My reality as I've known it is gone. I grew up believing that everyone in Iceland was pretty much equal and no one had to starve. Since October 6th I've come to realize that I was in a rich family that used this psychological thought to escape the reality of what has been going on in our society for ages.

I walked into a soup kitchen yesterday in the hopes of getting some food to survive this month. I don't get unemployment until December 1st and I'm too proud to go begging to my parents. I also don't believe in borrowing money from friends; it's hard to pay back and can ruin the friendship.

I was number 64 in line and felt shocked as the lady handed me the ticket. The place wasn't going to open until 3:00 and it was only 2:30. I kept thinking that this is the lowest I've had to go in life. I recalled my abusive relationship from the past and felt grateful for my freedom. After 10 minutes of sitting in a crowded room an old man sat next to me. He had neat clothes on and his skin looked very healthy. I looked into his eyes and saw the despair and hopelessness. This guy was like my grandfather but he was in a soup kitchen? Can it be that my society doesn't give a s%*t if someone starves? Can it be that I've been raised in complete fascism that taught us to judge poor people instead of helping them?

I sat there for an hour and a half and felt shock, despair, anger, and most of all grateful. The least of my worries is a lack of money; the biggest is being alone like that man. I finally got some food in a bag and heard number 163 being called out as I left. As I walked back home I held back my painful cry. I opened the door and my son was home from school. I was so thankful for my life and hugged him. I cooked a good dinner for us and kept the same pace for the home. I realized that a lack of money can't rune us but loneliness can.

The reason I had to resort to this soup kitchen is because my government won't give me welfare until December 1st (the day I get unemployment). I went over the 90.000 kronur a month limit in income. I asked them at the welfare office; "Who in Iceland has that low of an income?" No one has and this rule is helping my fascist country keep the fake reality of thinking they're so good and kind to its people. In reality, they don't give a s%*t if we starve.

News from the Taliban up North

For those of you that don't believe that Britain passed the Anti-terrorism Crime and Security Act on Iceland, Check this link, it's straight off their website:
http://www.hm-treasury.gov.uk/fin_sanctions_currentindex.htm

Then click on this link to get more details about this law:
http://www.hm-treasury.gov.uk/fin_sanctions_landsbanki.htm

Our Banana Republic of a Government in Iceland didn't help in the matter but we have been allies with the British and don't deserve this treatment.

Oh wow, the past two weeks have been surreal for me. I think the reality of the situation in Iceland is finally hitting me. I've been waiting to get paid for an assignment which I did for a Company in Sweden, but since the British passed the "Anti-terrorism, Crime and Security Act" on one of our banks in England there is no cash coming in or leaving our country. I know I'll eventually get my money but the reality of my country going into real poverty this winter isn't pleasant. I'm going to be a realist and prepare myself financially in the next 2 weeks. I don't have any loans which are considered bad but our cost of living is not going to make ends meet on unemployment. I can put some of my loans on hold; mortgage and student loans for example. I'm not getting any assignments in and the two that I thought were going to start this month have been put on hold.

The good thing about all of this is that I got a longing to go back to school this weekend. If there is going to be major unemployment here I think it's very positive to be educating oneself. The student loans are about as bad as unemployment but have very low interest rates.

I’m not a happy camper today

I have a few assignments this month but have the paranoia that I won't get paid or get paid 2 months late.

Plan B is applying for jobs in Europe. There is actually a good job market for web designers in Brussels and some parts of Scandinavia. Plan C is applying for whatever job I can get here in Iceland and watch my economy sink.

The last of my worries is my extra pension savings I have in the bank. It still pisses me off that the Government has declared an Emergency Law and won't allow people to touch their savings. By the time people can touch it our money might be worth nothing. ARRRGH!

Life does go on and I'm making a great spaghetti dinner for my son and I tonight. My neighbor's son told me that I could catch really cute rabbits up in the hills around here. Hmmm, I wonder how they might taste? You know, just incase ;-)

Major Bank Chaos in Iceland Today!

The Government in Iceland took control of 6 major banks today and stopped all trading. The value of our kronur is almost useless. Since May the value of the dollar has doubled compared to our money.

It feels surreal to be experiencing something like this. I cooked dinner tonight and had a nice talk with my son. The little things that matter in life don't have a price tag ;-)




http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/7655227.stm

My Sketches

I'm being dramatic and moody today? I've been working late hours this week and it's not a good feeling on the 3rd day.

Anyway, I decided to post some sketches from some of my sketchbooks. I want to start again; painting and creating that is. I think I have to create, it's a way of keeping my sanity intact.

Snæfellsnes

I just got back from my trip and had a great time. It rained alot so we couldn't see the glacier but we ended up going to a few beaches and picking alot of stones.

Just getting out of the city for a few days was great. I managed to unwind and relax. Something I need to do more often. Here are some pictures, enjoy ;-)

Rambling 081208

I just managed to delete everything I wrote on here, arrrgh! I've been working too much and I've been planning a week vacation where I do nothing. I sat at a business meeting today and felt burnt out and my soul needs some time to itself. I need a week where I can hang out at the library, pet my cats, watch some great movies, read and maybe even go camping if the weather is alright.

I did manage to go out of the city in the beginning of August and slept in a tent for 2 nights. It was great to be out in nature with good friends. We went on a 3 hour mountain climb and I found out I'm still in good shape, which surprised me.

Here are some pictures from the weekend, enjoy ;-)

Sessý singing with her son by her side.

She has a beautiful voice.