Strange feeling

This is something I wrote 2004. I felt so strange reading this, kind of like it was somebody else who had written this. I really need to set my priorities straight and get this feeling back into my life.

What makes life beautiful?
I'm thinking about all the great things in life that make it so beautiful and worth living. I get depressed sometimes and have learned that the best way out of depression is to count your blessings, it's kind of like positive conditioning and it usually works.

-I know that when I wake up feeling down and hopeless it's just a moment in life that passes by, the only way is up some times.

-I have had so many life experiences that most people will only dream of.

-I have had the pleasure of having a few great friends that mean the world to me because they have given me what I needed when I felt like life had given up on me.

-I gave birth to the most beautiful child when I was 20 yrs. old and have had the opportunity to raise him on my own with good results, he's the kindest and smartest person I've met in this life.

-I live in a country where people don't have to worry about getting fed or proper medical attention, there is no real poverty in Iceland.

-I can feel and see the sun when I wake up in the morning and hear the beautiful birds singing by my window.

-when I feel all alone and cry on my pillow I have a wonderful cat that licks my tears away and listens with out judging; by the way I know he's the Buddha.

Dan Deacon

I ran across this musician a few weeks ago. Crazy, wacky, hyperactive, sure to get you in a good and silly mood type of music.

I love it when people become successful in life when they've had to work for it and refused to give up even when the environment wasn't very supportive of their visions. Here's a cool interview with him which I ran across online: http://www.citypaper.com/music/review.asp?rid=8759

and here is the best song I've heard so far, CRYSTAL CAT

Rambling 041308

I haven't been able to sleep, my rhythm is all messed up from being sick for 4 days. I watched a DVD about the Ramones for the 3rd time and saw Joey in another deeper light. I'm grateful that I was a part of the NY scene back then and have 2 Ramone tickets that prove that I've seen them. Anyone can claim to have seen them after the fact. nanananana :0

It's snowing out and my cat is sitting next to me as I type this. He's been following me around in my sickness and just kind of annoying me or making me laugh at his cat behavior. Right now he's trying to capture my apple; he truly believes it's a living thing, he keeps smacking it with his paw. This sickness did me some good, I managed to crash after working too much and I want to set my priorities straight again. My family and loved ones come first, the rest is just stuff that can be replaced or can wait if it costs too much right now. I have nothing in me that gives me a good future as a rat in the big race, nothing except madness.

I heard that there's an artist that starved a dog in his art gallery, are we really becoming this twisted? I also ran across that documentary about Tibet and it broke my heart. There are a few documentaries that have done that to me recently and I feel true shame for mankind. There is nothing that can justify what is being done to those people, it's just as bad as trying to justify Stalin or Hitler. I've always felt a connection to their art and way of life, I can't believe that China might succeed in wiping them out.

Anyway, there are a few birds outside my window singing and I need to try to catch some sleep. It's good to fall asleep to their song, it brings back memories of all nighters where I couldn't stop with a painting I had started. I hope that magic comes back, I want that feeling again.

Never, never, never, never give up

Never, never, never, never give up
- Winston Churchill

I've been so busy but I'm extremely happy. All the hard work I've put into my business is paying off. I went and met with an advertising agency today that has really big clients. They want to start doing assignments with me and were really impressed with my websites. I'm sitting here at home and this doesn't feel real. I'm so glad I didn't give up on this dream, there have been so many times in the past year where I was about to call it quits. Something in my heart kept telling me to go on and I'm glad I listened.

We have a new family member, his name Timon. We went to the animal rescue and couldn't resist him. He kept licking our face and didn't want to be put back on the floor. Snoopy was jealous for about a week and started pissing on blankets and stuff. It took alot of work and discipline but he stopped pissing finally. Anyway, they're good friends now and have the greatest personalities.

God, am I becoming a cat lady???

Dreams about Maggi Tanaka

I woke up this morning and recalled having another strange dream. I dreamt that I was talking to my cat Maggi Tanaka, and he was giving me some good advice. In my dreams I always meet my pets and they have so much wisdom to give me and I'm seriously starting to believe that there is a good message behind that, if I follow their advice that is. Anyway, Maggi took me into my past and when we arrived everything was alright and my fears were gone, he showed me that my bad memories only have life if I let them control me; he's a genius.

After all of this I found out that Leo had run out of beer in California, which is very serious early on a friday night. I can't e-mail him a six pack and thought they should have a World delivery service like 1-800-flowers, people could give each other beer all over the World? Good idea but it would never work out, too many laws about alcohol.

I guess we can't choose our delusions

I've been sick all week and had to delay my trip to NY :-( I hate laying in bed for days and not doing anything except feel pain and tired, anyway I got delerious from a high fever and thought I was stuck to my sidewalk outside and my cat was trying to get me back into the house. It was so realistic and I kept thinking how did I end up outside, very strange indeed! Why a side walk though, why couldn't I have had a delusion that I was stuck in a cartoon or something? I guess we can't choose our delusions ?

Feeling Guilty for Laying Around Like a Cat

I love this blog in here, I can write anything that comes to mind and most people don't read this anyway; so I can get verbally evil and not feel bad about it.So I have this insane urge to express myself about so many things; I've basically been working like a maniac all day and didn't even have time for lunch or anything. But what surprises me when I'm busy like that is that I start thinking about stuff from my childhood and I start to connect it with the person that I am today; those of you that have grown up in a dysfunctional home know what I'm talking about. I've had enough therapy through the years to forgive my past and let go of my anger, but today I'm starting to connect my workaholic compulsive behavior with so many uncertainties in my youth. When I go through the day at a 100 mph I feel like I will never fall or need someones help; I feel like I'm in control and can do anything I set my mind to! What is really scaring me though is that I'm going on vacation and I must relax, the last time I did that I ended up sleeping, reading, and in between feeling guilty for laying around like a cat. Yes the mind can be funny; it's a no win situation, the guilt for not working and the guilt for working too much!One more day to go and then I must lay around like my cats; sleep, eat, chase some flies and read some good books :-)

Like the birds outside singing in the morning

I woke up in a good mood today and petted my cat for 30 minutes; I love waking up at five in the morning, drink some strong coffee and listen to the birds outside welcoming the new day. I always imagine if we would take those birds as role models and welcome the day singing early in the morning; imagine how it would be stuck in morning traffic and everyone would be singing or just happy? Or if all of us would go out of our way to reallly ask someone how they've been and really listen when they answer? I think the little things in this life are what matters and make this World beautiful but I realize as I sit here and drink my strong coffee that while I'm running around in my daily rush I totally ignore those little things, like the birds outside singing in the morning.