Elsku afi minn

My grandfather passed away 8 days ago. His funeral was yesterday and I feel so blank. I couldn't cry I just felt frozen and empty inside. He was such a kind and hard working man. I love this picture of him, I took it 2 or 3 years ago and he was so happy that day. This is how I want to remember him always.

Returning as a cat?

A loved one is sick and I feel helpless? I believe in god but don't trust him? Life has taught me that it's up to the humans and that is not always a good leader. In my next life I hope I return as a cat. Cats are honest and know how to enjoy the moment. Cats don't have to worry about the bills or being cool. They know that they're cool and don't need acceptance on that fact.

I've been busy at work and hate the rat race I'm caught up in.

Tyler got an 8.6 (A) average on his report card! I'm so proud! He's also experimenting with the Linux system and down loaded it on his computer. Future computer nerd? He misses Eve, Vin and the Pollo bird so much. We loves Eve and Co.

Be the change you want to see in this World

Today was a sad day, I watched on TV as the horrors were unfolding in London. I still get a feeling that this isn't real but in a way I was expecting it for so long. It's sad to think that our sense of freedom in the Western World is being threatened like this. It pisses me off that Iceland is one of the countries that supported the Iraqi war and has sent men over there, so I guess we're on the terrorists shit list as of now? We as humans can't let some loser terrorists that blow themselves up in buses take away our freedom and security. I believe in a higher power and I think the goodness in this World can eventually overpower this evil force.

My thought for today is a saying by Gandhi:
"Be the change you want to see in this World"

The G8 Convention

What's on my mind today is the G8 Convention and what a bunch of idiots run this World we live in. Bush is coming to the convention but refuses to cut down on polution or even acknowledge the treaty which most of the industrialized world has. The global warming is not as important as the U.S. economy? I'm starting to think that the man has a very low IQ, "Where the hell will we be if we keep on poluting this earth you moron!"

Alot of the protesters are being blocked from entering Edinburg and they have 4000 armed police officers to control 5000 people? There are going to be some shameful human violations because of this summit.

Why is it wherever George Bush goes to a summit protesters end up getting locked up or caged off? HMMMM..............

A Close Call!

A crazy thing happened to me this morning while I was driving to work. All of a sudden a car from the opposite lane came driving towards me on my lane. This is a high way where people drive 90-100 km per hour. My reflexes were quick and I stepped on the brakes as the driver of the other car goes off the highway down a steep hill. I stopped my car and ran outside after him, another man had reached his car and was pulling him out. This guy was passed out and having an epileptic seusure and there was blood pouring out of his left ear. We called an ambulance and checked the guy out to make sure he was alright, eventually he gained consciousness and had no idea what was going on. What pissed me off though was the fact that the other guy who was helping him out just assumed he was on drugs. I've taken care of epileptic patients before and he was having an attack which makes people pass out and lose all touch with reality. This man shouldn't be driving though and they're not strict enough here in Iceland about banning people who get seusures from driving their cars. Another thing that shocked me is the fact that only 2 of us got out and helped this man out, everyone else just drove on by. Humans can really be sickening sometimes.

After this experience I'm kind of numb and afraid to drive, it was a close call and I don't want to think about what could have happened if this man would have crashed into my car. I drive on this highway everyday to work and have kind of become immune to all the accidents that happen regurarly but this woke me up a little. Alot of people have died on this highway it's kind of looked at as a deathtrap. Maybe I should move closer to my work place, it would also save me 90 minutes each day of not having to drive?

Anyway, I came home tonight and held my son tightly and thanked god for this day and everyday I share with my loved ones.

Bring on the night I couldn't stand another hour of daylight!

I haven't seen the dark for a month now, it's complete daylight for the next few months. I'm actually feeling depressed which doesn't make sense. I'm blasting 'the Police' right now, this song describes my feelings so well at the moment:

The afternoon has gently passed me by
The evening spreads its sail against the sky
Waiting for tomorrow
Just another day
God bid yesterday goodbye

Bring on the night
I couldn't spend another hour of daylight
Bring on the night
I couldn't stand another hour of daylight

The future is but a question mark
Hangs above my head there in the dark
Can't see for the brightness
Is staring me blind
God bid yesterday goodbye

Depression got a Hold of me Again

I've been dealing with some depression lately, it hits me without a warning at the strangest times. Usually I just isolate myself but this time I tried to do good things for people around me and it eased the pain a little. My youngest brother stayed with us for a while and it felt giving to spoil him and my son a little bit. They went out to the store the other day and bought a bunch of candy and boy did they have a feast in the living room that night. Having my brother around has also brought some life into the house, kids running around and jumping on the trampoleene all day, trashing the place and dirtying up the floors, you've got to love it.

I think a big part of my depression is this sadness that hits me which basicly deals with unsolved issues from my childhood, sometimes I doubt that I will ever be at peace with some of the people that betrayed my trust. I think being betrayed as a child is so much worse because we don't have the maturity to comprehend the weaknesses in grown ups, we look up to them like gods in a way. I go through this sadness and the pain is so hard to accept sometimes, I try to avoid it but it returns unexpected and hits me harder.

I haven't planned my summer vacation yet and have been avoiding it, I must psyche myself up to get some ideas. I'm going to go pet my cat now and listen to some more 'Cat Stevens', he usually cheers me up.

I'm Being a Hermit Today

I'm being a hermit today, most of my family is getting together to watch "Erovision" tonight and I personally can't stand it, it's a song comptetion in Europe where each country sends in a horrible singer and the best song wins? Abba is the only good thing to have come out of that, that tells me everything. I'm blasting Ministry right now, my cat is scared to death of their music he's hiding under the bed.

I have to do some work but I'm tempted to go out with my friend tonight, she's a fisherman and comes home for 4 days each month and likes to go nuts at the bars in Reykjavik. I'll wait and see how my mood will be later on tonight.

I called my friend Jolene thursday and I miss her so much, we got to know each other at the Art Institute of Pittsburgh in 1989. She's going to Amsterdam this summer and I'm so tempted to go meet her this year, she goes there every summer and has been asking me to join her. ARRGHH I miss Jolene, she always brings a smile to my face when I talk to her.

Currently blasting: The Land of Rape and Honey By Ministry

I'm not a Mechanic or Mechanicly Inclined!

I was looking at my mail on Myspace and have received some really crazy letters from this one person which was on my friends list, like multiple personality sounding fantasy, extremly lame bullshit.

Why would anyone actually think I would need a detailed description on how they are going to build airplanes and ships? I though "is this for real, does this person really think I'm interested in a 500 word essay twice a week about building ships and airplanes?" I'm not a mechanic or mechanicly inclined!

I deleted him and hope he has the sense to join a community online that embraces his interest in airplane and ship building.

Stitch me back together love

I'm sitting here in a place called life!
I'm feeling it but not really liking it?
I'm living it but where is the essence?
Where is the feeling of wanting to go on?
Wanting to love, wanting to discover?

I want to go on and live a life where I feel real.
I want to capture the essence of love and fall
apart!

Stitch me back together love............